I'm back again! Yay! =D To think i almost hit my lowest just this afternoon after the harsh cruel fact dawned on me.. It's just simply amazing! Thank God! =D
Haha. Feel so good to be back alive again. At least i know i won't be wasting any more time feeling like an idiot or acting as if i'm okay - when i know i'm obviously not okay. It's one day down and 3 subjects back already. 2 more to go! Is there any hope or not? I don't really know, but i'll definitely try my best to receive all the blows and then counter it! =D
I think it's kind of strange. Whenever i'm emo/sad, i think i'll have much more to post then when i'm in a good mood. I think maybe it's because my mind tends to think a lot when i'm down, but goes the other way round when i'm happy. So does that means i don't use my brains when i'm happy? Probably. Haha. Got to go! =D
There's no use avoiding the problem. The only way to stop it from bothering you is to face it and then find ways to overcome it! =D
早知今日, 何必当初?!
11:09:00 pm
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Is it me or is the weather extraordinary hot? I'm just sitting here in my living room typing and i'm sweating as if i'm running my 2.4km run right now. Maybe it's just stress? I have no idea.
I thought i have already started to walk out of the trauma, but i guess i'm still lingering around the tunnel, not towards the light. No i am not angry; in what way do i sound like i am? Haha. I guess i'm really just very disappointed. But it's no use being disappointed right? Nothing will change for now, unless i wake up and walk out of this. Yes! That's it! Get out of this tunnel like right now! Wake up!
Maybe i will consider setting the chorus part of this song as my alarm tone, then i shall see whether i really will wake up or not. My bio-clock is screwed up once again. My body doesn't know what time to sleep, and i'm not controlling it well either. It's now 1.27am in the morning and i'm still sitting here, so you know what i mean. Sigh. And i'm getting old and weak already. My body can't stand how i am torturing it so it's reacting negatively. And of course mentally thanks to the scar left behind my someone, it's not helping but dragging me down instead. I need to walk out of this. Really. If not my dreams and everything will be reduced to nothing. Work hard! =D As i fumble through some stuff, i'm really scared. What if i really don't make it? :(
Only in the darkness, the light shines the brightest. And it will guide you out of it.
Hotel Echo Lima Papa
11:56:00 pm
What does a comedian do? Cheer people up? Make people smile? But wait.. Have you ever wondered what happens when a comedian is sad? Who will make him/her smile?
I wanted to blog on Friday, but i lost my mind and ended up clicking aimlessly on the internet. I wasn't even clicking on links, i was just clicking on one tab to another and back and forth. My mind was in a mess. The combination of 2 such innocent words, 'what' and 'if', will give you 'what if' and starts a thousand questions in your mind, just like how it did to mine. My mind was all burnt up, just like how my dad's laptop charger did. Saturday was worse. I did not even feel like waking up. All i did was to wake up, see the time, close my eyes and go back to sleep. I was dreaming all the way and waking up countless times, which explains why I am having a headache now. Somehow that is the reason why i am still not able to sleep now despite my eyes being exhausted thanks to the dreams.
I'm not dead, not yet. I'm just quite disappointed with myself. I think i just put myself in a very bad situation for now, but i guess it's no use lamenting at my cruel fate now. I guess i will have to move on. There's no one around me close enough for me to really rant out to, since a lot of people were affected this time round. Well, it's not an epidemic, it's just.. you should be able to guess. Haha. I don't want to bother them anymore i guess, so my blog is still a good option. Oh on a side note, i do blog with the thought that there are people reading my posts, so i won't find it weird if you happen to know what's going on with me. Anyway, it's time to brace myself up for the coming week. It's not going to be easy i guess to survive the week. I need today to prepare myself for it, and then, face it! What's past is past. Now, look ahead. Remember i'm on a road with no U-turns. Too bad if i missed a turn..
Ah yes! I can feel myself coming back now. Somehow, my soul seems to be taking a vacation somewhere since Friday. Welcome back! :) It's like 4.21am now, and i can hear crows making noise. No i don't live in Jurong Bird Park - the bird asylum maybe. :P Oh by the way, i'm hungry now! AGAIN! Even i cook maggie mee to eat like at around 1+ i think? Never mind. I shall just go sleep. Good morning! :D
If you let an opportunity slip by you, there's no use going back to look for it. It won't be there anymore. Continue ahead and open your eyes wide to look for another one. :)
I miss my piano! =D
3:33:00 am
Monday, September 06, 2010
I don't like this feeling. My body seems so tired even after getting more sleep then usual. But then again my usual is like 3 hours? Haha. I guess it's really exhausted from all that abusing. =X If i ever can find the time, i will definitely treat it better! Question is when?
Anyway, i got a thought while watching TV yesterday. Yes, i know.. This is why i'm so in need of time! =X Back to the story. I was thinking of how the decisions someone made affect those people around him. Actually, how do you actually determined what kind of decision is right, and what is wrong? There's just no definite answer. But very often, we make our decisions from this selfish point of view. It's not that we're intentionally being selfish sometimes, but it's just that we're so used to be thinking for ourselves and what we want already. Well, as the saying goes, "人不为己, 天诛地灭". We often made decisions based on what we think it's right, but how often to we try to understand what the person/people affected by your decision actually thinks is right? It's all about "me, myself and I". But these decisions were sometime made with the cliche phrase, "for your own good". Sometimes we sound as if we know what is good and what is bad, but why do we make wrong decisions sometimes then? Nobody is perfect.
Actually, this is only made even obvious when authority comes into the picture. Often we see parents deciding for their children, claiming that they do not know what is best for them. But do they know themselves? Most would say yes. Study and get good results. Be the first in this, be the first in that. Don't all these sound very familiar? But i guess it's true to a certain extent. Parents provide the discipline that everyone in the world (including themselves) needs in order to perform. Self discipline is not always available. In fact, it's getting increasingly rare. Ain't i a perfect example of that? Haha. I guess ultimately, a good balance is still what i think will be the best. =D
Woah it's been a long time since i actually typed out my thoughts like this. Haha. I wish i could convert that into a GP essay. Sorry. Too stressed over the upcoming prelims and A levels already. I have to admit that i am stress, even though i don't really feel it sometimes. I've got 2 messages telling me i looked stress already, which never ever happened before. Guess when they say JC is the most stressful period of your study life, it would be true. Well, it's just a few more months to go! Strangely though, i don't really want it to end, for some reason. But on the other hand, i can't wait for it to end! Haha.
There's just so many things i want to talk about now huh. This post is getting really long. If you're reading this, i have a question for you. Don't you think it's really cool to know someone that has so many things similar to you? I guess that's when communication moves from just talking, to understanding. That's the best result you can get, isn't it? :) Alright time to clear some hours!
We often seek to feel happy and feel loved. But what we're forgetting is that we can only feel happy and loved when sadness and judgement exist! :)
Balance.
6:10:00 pm
Saturday, September 04, 2010
My life went through a major change today! =D At this point of time, i shall not say what it is, but time will tell. Hope that it'll all turn out fine! :D
Anyway, i went for CIP today! I think i'm one of the rare few J2s that are still active in doing CIP, even though prelims is like in a week's time. But helping the community is anytime, anywhere okay? :) Anyway, i shall not elaborate on what we do during the CIP, but it was quite a nostalgic experience! Quite enjoyable too actually, of course except for the waiting times that can get a little dry at times, but it still can turn out enjoyable.
Well, guess i cannot think of anything else now as i'm really tired. Prelims is coming in a week, and i believe that i will definitely try my best and do myself proud! It will be the first time, but definitely not the last time! Oh and i finally submitted my NYAA Gold! Yay! Time to sleep! :)
Live your life to the fullest - till you don't have to regret not doing this or that later!
Saved! :D
11:49:00 pm
Me
Samuel Wong SP
the rest is for me to know and for you to find out! =D