I thought it had somehow disappeared... but how come i feel it right now again?! It's again something to do with the number 3. Coincidence? I had enough of guessing. :( Problems, problems, problems... Stress, stress, and more stress! -.- Run and run away from everything. Ahh my mind is crazy... I don't even know what i am thinking. How come i feel like i'm writing a poem? A negative one though.
The time continues to tick, while i continue to waste it. I'm getting more and more blur lately. I guess the severe lack of sleep over a long period of time has taken it's toll on me. But there's forever so many things to do, but as soon as i reached home, i won't do anything. :( The severe lack of sleep plus the stress has another effect on me this time, my mood, as well as my personality. I noticed the change in myself. I realised i'm much more impatient now as compared to before, and i am definitely much, much, very much more restless! I need rest. Sigh.
Sometimes when we really think hard enough, we seemed like we don't even know what we really want.
Rojak.
1:34:00 am
Monday, July 19, 2010
Who is there to believe in me when the rest of the world don't?
Many many things happened recently. My life seems to be in a total chaos, but it still appeared so fine on the outside. That's the power of illusion. I'm tired of all these. The hatred seems to grow. I don't even bear grudges for long last time. -.- I'm starting to experience things i have never experienced before. How will it all turn out? I don't know. Sigh.
I feel that i am turning weaker and weaker. I have no idea what is the exact reason - perhaps it is what happened on and off throughout last year. I don't know. I really don't know things anymore. Why am i like this? Seems like i really need to work very very hard to get back to my original state. But what's my original state? Lol. I'm in a state of confusion. Think i need some sleep. And my interview is coming this Thursday! Great... -.-
Sometimes when things get really complicated, you just wish they could be much simpler. The sad fact is that they can't be.
Dried eyes.
12:21:00 am
Thursday, July 15, 2010
What's happening now? When i choose to ignore myself and then i realise that i am right again? Isn't this too much of a coincidence? I mean luckily i didn't make any rash decisions yet. But what about the instances in school? I don't know. Like seriously, how did things ever turn into this state? Sian. -.-
Oh and my i've been trying hard to control my brain lately - success to a little extent only. Apparently, i wanted to blog a few times, but thanks to the internet that suddenly rebelled, or my mood, i didn't. That's a classic example already. And the fact that i keep wasting and wasting time despite the short amount of time left to so many deadlines, it can be seen clearly how this is not working out. Too bad. I can only try harder. There's no other way out, is there? No pain, no gain. I would definitely rather experience the pain now than to regret not trying harder later. But is there time? :(
I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to slack, and slack, and slack. Since when i became so lazy? I have no idea too. Perhaps it's after all the 'tortures'? Lols. Great. I'm so sleepy now even though i slept quite a while just now. How am i going to survive like that? Haiis. Interview, interview, interview!! =X
Sometimes when too many things are in actively in your mind, it will just "poof" and go blank, just like when there's too many power plugs on a socket, the circuit breaker will trip.
Blank mind.
1:14:00 am
Friday, July 09, 2010
The only thing that stays constant in life is change.
I have not blogged for quite a while and i decided i should start with something of impact, that pretty much summarises what happened in my life lately - changes and more changes. As much as i pretty much hate changes ever since some great deal of stuff happened to me, i couldn't really do anything much to stop them from happening, can i? Things are changing like every single day now, and i obviously don't enjoy it. It's too unpredictable already. I know changes are something that are not able to be avoided, but some things change too fast now? Adding on to it, they change constantly. Win. -.- Once again it affected me of course - it is just that i always choose to pretend i'm alright. What else can i do? People are too busy to care. >.<
I seriously don't know what to expect now. I mean i can jolly well just don't care anything and just focus on work (which is hardly possible), but then occasionally i get positive replies that seemed as though nothing happen - for a while and then they would stop. I can be objective when i stand as a third party helping people solve their problems, but as for my own, it's just total chaos. I can't, for heaven's sake, guess what is going on just from the "Hot and Cold" replies i get! I mean, it's just like what happened last year, all over again! This time though, it's at a much closer proximity, which obviously, leaves no room for escape. Great! :( I really need a breather. :(
On a side note, i finally got my interview slot for pilot vocation with the RSAF! :) This meant that i passed my COMPASS test that i took last year! Phew! And i thought i was a goner after finishing the test. It's on 22nd July though! Crap! I didn't expect it to come so suddenly. I just got a call today and they just informed me. I have two weeks to prepare, and i really really do not want to screw this up. =X There's just so many disappointments i have since last year that i really DO NOT want to face another one. I have too many regrets already, and i don't want to spend the rest of my life living with lots of regrets! :( At least this is something which i can control to a certain extent.
And yes, i am finally feeling the stress of things. With so many things to catch up on before prelims, i apparently have not much time left! Things are simply in chaos now and i just keep losing faith that i can make it. Where did my confidence all go to? The worse thing is, this stress is only keeping me awake now, and make me stay here and waste even more time when i should be either sleeping or frantically trying to complete much of my undone work. =X I am getting slacker and slacker by the day - more and more of the "don't care" feeling. Am i getting used to it? Hope not. Come on. Screw the NATO (No Action Talk Only) way of doing things! Else at this rate, i'll never even get a proper place in NTU, much less think about Imperial College. -.- Good luck to me! :)
Once in a while i still will try to comprehend this. Why do people try their very best to go against what their heart really wants?
口是心非. Controlling the brain.
1:39:00 am
Me
Samuel Wong SP
the rest is for me to know and for you to find out! =D