It's not everyday you get a question asking "How are you?" I totally appreciate the concern. Thanks! :) I've been really crazy this days, doing all kinds of weird stuff. I had an enlightenment while showering just now before Argentina's match, but apparently i have forgotten about it! Crap! Recently stuff gets into my short term memory rather than long term, and i have no idea why... The crazy weather perhaps? -.-
Oh the dormant volcano has erupted once again. This time it's a serious one, despite being less obvious - even i was almost fooled. Perhaps the disguise is getting better as the years passed, and that's why it was so well covered up. I think that was the reason of the recent incidents, and probably this is what i thought of when i was showering. :) Haha. I wonder does anyone understands this paragraph at all? I purposely made it like this. It would be interesting if anyone could understand what my mind is thinking now as i type this paragraph. :P
Anyway, this June holidays have so many things as distractions. There's just so many things going on! Adding to the fact the World Cup is here, and the ever great distraction - my laptop! There's just so many things you can do on the internet that can distract me, for a very very long time. -.- I guess i would really need to get back in control and not let my mind control itself. Been letting my heart and mind go free for so long that i'm so not used to being controlled (since when i was?). Well, i have to control myself anyway if i ever want to achieve my target of getting AT LEAST straight Cs for mid years. All the best man! :) Now back to reality... there's so many things undone... -.- Large inertia guy... it's time for work! And now i'm getting sleepy... Crap. >.<
I couldn't comprehend why does people like to put up a strong front but end up hurting themselves. Things would be much simpler if they didn't force themselves put up a strong front.
Simplicity rocks! :)
5:18:00 am
Friday, June 18, 2010
It's 4 plus in the morning and i'm not sleeping again. -.- I came across this super familiar song that some AJ event seemed to have used it before. Was it dance that used it? o.O I don't know. I like the lyrics though, and the MV of course. I added it to my playlist, but as usual, it takes sometime before it will appear. I purposely chose one with the English subtitles so that you all can figure out the meaning of the lyrics as well. The chorus seemed like it's saying something... Enjoy! :)
Seems like i'm ready to make the decision, or am i? o.O
Why does it turn out this way? What did i do wrongly to deserve this? Haven't i tried to salvage it? No... It's getting deeper and deeper. You've decided. You don't want anything. You don't care anything. What about me?! Are your words just words? When i didn't feel like doing anything at all, where were you? When i was real troubled that you might not be feeling alright and worried sick, what were you doing? When you leave, do you even say bye? What does your words mean? Are they only just words? You said we're still close, so there's really nothing to emo about. Are we still close? Are you treating me like before? I tried. Did you? My heart sinks each time i thought about you... The feeling is terrible. You don't seemed like you care, not at all! What are you trying to hide? What are you trying to run away from? Why does everyone choose to run away on their own and leave me behind? WHY WHY WHY?!
Enough... This sleep is not going to be a good sleep again. I wonder how will i do for my mid year common test. Straight Cs? Fat hope. Good morning!
Everybody knows how to come up with words. But they do not really mean anything much unless they come with actions.
Nobody understands anything...
4:21:00 am
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Can u get used to being alone? o.O
Been wondering about many stuff lately. I realised i have a lot of things compounded in me, and this time, it's all released. But the blast is too much for any specific person to take, at this point of time really. Back to being an owl, awake at this point of time. I'm dead beat, but i just can't get to sleep. My eyes are open wide, staring at the computer screen. My stomach's upset (literally); it's protesting by giving me frequent diarrheas and even felt like vomiting just now. I didn't plan to tell this to anyone - only if you read this then you would know - as i didn't want to be seen as seeking attention. I'm not getting any anyway.
I miss the good old days. Everyone starts to miss their secondary school when they get into JC. Is JC really that bad? o.O For me, it isn't really because of JC, it's more of the people that revolves around me when year 2009 started. To be fair, not every single person revolving around me makes me feel like going back to the past. In fact, some of them are the very reason why i'm still walking down this path! But i'm feeling less and less secure as i continue. I began to drag each step that i took. Now where's the sanguine guy? He's worn out.
On a side note, this video cheered me up. You're in for a good laugh at the last part! :D But don't skip directly to the last part! :)
Well it's going to 6am now. Good morning everyone! :D
There are ups and downs in life, but i don't enjoy extreme ups and downs.
Roller coaster ride
4:19:00 am
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I never imagined that things would turn out this way... This morning, when i first opened my eyes, i didn't feel like getting up immediately. I just felt like sleeping back again and again when i open my eyes for numerous times. The feeling of giving up hope on myself comes back to haunt me yet again. I just don't feel the motivation to get up. Things like, "what for get up?", appeared in my mind. I realize i have yet again drop down to a self degrading state.
I fell asleep while typing this, and it shows how tired i am the whole day. I just feel super duper lethargic, and unmotivated to do anything at all. I wasted a day, in fact, these few days. Haiis. What happened to me? Where's the spirit in me? Lost...
The heart and the mind needs to work together. Otherwise, you'll be forced to make a decision.
Trapped
6:31:00 pm
Saturday, June 12, 2010
5am in the morning and i ain't sleeping! I just couldn't get to sleep! -.- What's with so many blog posts now huh? o.O Anyway, there's a post below, so do read! :)
Ever wondered how do arguments happen? o.O and after they do happen, what ever happens next? Who will be the one that always gives in? Do these questions ever crossed your mind? Perhaps the one giving in treasures the other party more, and hence gave in in order to prevent things from getting sour. But what if you're always the one giving in? Does that means that no one really cares about your existence? Maybe... Maybe not just as important.
This time round, i am going to be stubborn. I'm sorry by some chance you're the one. Maybe i will give in, yet again. -.-
WANTS VS NEEDS
5:01:00 am
This is a much much much delayed LONG post about the activities i had since Term 2 ended. I have not been blogging much lately, and even if i do, the quality of my post deteriorated. A lot of things happened lately;
Day Ex Bike Recce Bike Hike CHS NCC AIR Annual Camp AB Camp CDAC Camp
I thought it was over, and i finally could have time for my revision, but guess what? It isn't over. Many more stuff come pouring in after that - activities, outings, problems here and there... But it's good isn't it? Else i would be wasting time nonetheless. =X
I shall talk about the activities first. I am not going to type out day by day what happen, because that's going to fill this post up with words and much more words. I am just going to summarise things up.
Firstly, Day Ex Bike Recce. It was a challenge completed. I had troubles having it the week before the day i actually had it as i wasn't able to get any bikes. Thankfully for this week, Ze Xun is able to put aside his Log Comm stuff and helped me with it. Thanks a lot to him! :D Oh and his father's bicycles are great! I do really enjoy the speed it's going at! Haha. It looked so impossible on the map, but we did it nonetheless! Well done! :D
After that was immediately bike hike. I managed to somehow asked for some rest time which in the end got me into a little problem, again. -.- Nevertheless, bike hike started after much waiting. It wasn't particularly exciting as i thought it would be, but i was actually entertaining myself while i was at the back looking at the things happening in front. I think there was more sense of satisfaction gained because i was able to complete both Day Ex Bike Recce as well as Bike Hike in a short span of 24 hours. The distance amounts to about 120km and it felt really great being able to achieve that physically and mentally. :) The last part of bike hike was particularly disappointing because we were told that we were not allowed to cycle back to ECP after arriving at AMK hub because of some unknown reason. We had to wait for quite a long time which actually severely drained us of the morale to carry on, so we strongly rejected the offer to be sent back to ECP before going to Cat High again. What for? o.O
Next was CHS NCC AIR Annual Camp. Nothing much happened here, except yet another successful (i hope?) talk to some people. Strange enough, the sense of satisfaction amount to what i got from bike hike! :) After that was much of walking and walking to collect the goodie bag for Bare Your Sole walk, which was quite good in fact. :) Ate lunch with Alvan and Jun Jie at Just Acia (purposely, because someone Alvan knew was there :P) for a very very long time. I went to my grandma house after that and collapsed on the bed. I was awaken by a rude shock when my grandma called out frantically for me to see what's going on outside, only to witness fire engines downstairs and fire breaking out at the level my grandma house was on. I sat outside the house watching the whole incident. Luckily no one was hurt! :)
I collapsed over the weekends and finally it was AB Camp. I think words ain't enough to describe the camp - you've got to experience it to believe it. I've been to many camps before, and i didn't really believe that it was possible for everyone to sit down and learn so much from one another just by one camp. I think it was a great experience for both campers and the student instructors. I wasn't a camper myself last year, but i heard from the rest that this year it was really a breakthrough! Cheers to AB CAMP! :D Kudos to all campers and SIs! :D I guess there won't be another great opportunity like this to learn so much from everyone else anymore. This indeed is a once in a lifetime opportunity to do so.
Moving on, last but not least, it's CDAC camp. I'm really amazed at the volunteers. The camp organisation was really a big screw up, but strange enough, things can get done! :P Enjoyed myself as i let myself loose (must be the highness after AB camp), and it was a great short camp! :D
Well, this is the end of the quick short summary about the activities, but trust me, the real experience is really far from this. There's just so much i want to talk about some of them, but there is just so little i could express them in words. Friendship forged, the ability to work together... The list just goes on and on. Now i guess what should be at the top of my list should be my goals for the Mid Year Common Test (MYCT). But i feel like i really have slacken down much much more as the days goes by. What happen to me? o.O I guess it's all an issue about being accustomed. Guess i really need to work hard to get myself in the gear of studying! :) So many more things to study for! :O Till then! :)
The night is always a good quiet time to calm yourself down and relax; on the contrary, it could also bring you a sense of loneliness and helplessness.
What in the world is going on? o.O
12:39:00 am
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
The greatest distance that divides us; not you are oblivious to my love when I stand in front of u; but because we love each other knowing fate will forever keep us apart.