Yet another Wednesday that i am posting, although this time it is at the earliest time. Perhaps you may wonder what in the world am i doing at this hour. Mugging? PW? Homework? No. None of them. Believe it or not, i am sitting here listening to piano pieces on youtube and staring into the computer screen, while countless thoughts race through my brain like how rain drops fell onto earth. I am totally overwhelmed by them. I can't sleep, that is why i am here typing this post.
Am i too free? On the contrary. I have a huge pile of work to do. There is still in no order of importance, Written Report for PW, I&R for PW, Promos in a week plus time to prepare for, Leadership Camp to plan for, and the list goes on and on and on. I am like torn between everything - I don't know which is more important, which is not. My brain tells me this is more important, my heart tells me otherwise, my actions goes another way. They all just don't seem to work together. This isn't good for me. In fact, this will kill me at this rate. I have no idea how to handle this.
People around me ain't doing fantastically well either. I do not wish to talk about what happen to them, but i sincerely hope, from the bottom of my heart, that they would be able to cope with whatever they are struggling to cope with now. I want to have smiling faces around me, not any other kinds of faces. So people, please do me and do yourself a favour!
I am stuck in between wishing these days to pass as soon as possible, so i can be free from all the load stack onto me, emotionally and physically, and wishing the days to be longer so i would have more time to do what i need to do. But i can't change anything, could I? I think blogging really gives me a time to sit quietly and reflect upon my actions. I seem to be able to correct myself as i type. But how long can that last? I wonder. I have to throw my emotional load away from me, at least for this moment. The emotional load gathers will crush me, and as soon as it does, i am as good as dead. That cannot happen! I cannot fall! I made promises, and i have to deliver them! SIMPLE AS THAT! If i fall and i am the only one affected, it's perfectly alright. But the thing is that i will affect others too, so i can't fall! I just can't!
Time to wake up from all this. There just ain't enough time for me to waste anymore. There may not be even enough time to do the work, much less waste anymore time away just because of my emotions. Emotions ain't everything, and i DO NOT need to entertain them at all. Time to leave them at one side, get my things done, and then come back. But that doesn't mean i will leave anyone behind. Those that know me will know that i never will. It's 3.18 already. Time to sleep! :)
The biggest regret in my life is that i didn't get to know you earlier. :(Time is running out. =X
2:48:00 am