Stupid me. Stupid plan. Stupid mind. Why do i come out with all sorts of stupid ideas? Why i have to do all this stupid things? My intention is good, but so what? My actions ain't good - not at all. I'm at my wits end already - that's why i came up with stupid ideas. What should i do? Don't bother? That is what people tell me - even someone too. Don't think i never tried - I did. I just couldn't bear to. I just can't don't bother at all. It's all too important to me already. It has already occupied so much of my mind, that whenever i thought of it, it would become my first priority. I would even lose my way if i kept focusing on pondering about it. It's written in my DNA, my genes. It is my personality, something that i cannot change that easily. I am just plain weird - even i describe myself as that.
I am just so easily intimidated by someone. Good example would be my SYFC instructor. Being next to him, i just somehow can't perform to my fullest potential. I just tend to screw up here and there and my confidence just vanished. He told me today i wasn't confident enough, and that whether i get into Phase II or not all depends on my confidence level in my last sortie for Phase I. Will i get pass this?
I grew to hate MSN whenever i want to say something deep from the heart. I don't know why, but i just feel that MSN is simply inadequate as a platform to transmit that info. It is just like something dead, something insignificant. To me it's like MSN brings the life away from the words deep down inside. It just made them seemed so emotionless, and make me unaware of how what i have said affected the other person over at the other end of the computer. MSN brings away the life in the words. I have no idea how i become so linguistic suddenly, but i think words carry a lot more meaning to it then the meaning from the dictionary. After all we are all humans, not some robot that is programmed to spit out words that only meant the 'dictionary meaning'.
The more important something is to me, the more depress i will become when things go wrong.How important do you think this is? At a loss. =X
10:51:00 pm